WHY SHOULD I CARE?

WHY SHOULD I CARE

"Why should I care more about you than you care about you?" decried our resident theologian as his contribution to our discussion about pushing, prevailing upon, exhorting, persuading or otherwise inducing our alcoholic friends, family or employees into treatment. As profound a statement of concern as I ever heard in the annals of either AA or any form of therapy of neurotic disorders.

After all, the patient must desire to get better. And for the alcoholic, it is a matter of stated truth that in order to be relieved of the obsession to drink one must accept the fact that one is alcoholic and then want to have the obsession lifted. That is, it requires your participation.

When we consider the disease model of alcoholism we do not throw up our hands and say that since it is a disease it is not our responsibility and we have no part in the development and course of the disease. That is patently not so in the case of most disorders. Take heart disease. If we smoke or indulge in excess saturated fat intake we are sure to make things worse despite the fact that we are heritably predisposed to coronary artery disease. And similarly, if we are aware of such a predisposition we can guard against its occurrence by eating a low fat diet, and avoiding smoking. And should the markers for the disease, (high cholesterol, high triglycerides) be found, we can take preventive medications to ward off the onset of the disorder.

In the case of addictive disorders, although the signs or history may be more subtle, the family history may be very prominent and so avoidance is a sure way of preventing the onset of the disorder. But clearly if we find ourselves in the throes of the disease, cessation is the treatment of choice.

This is no secret. To blame our alcoholism or drug addiction on the fact that it is a disease is beside the point. What are you going to do about it? Don't ask me what I am going to do about it for you. There is nothing I can do about your disease. I cannot care more about your disease than you are willing to care about it yourself.

This is the hard lesson that families often have to learn. Also, well meaning employers have fallen into this trap too. They often get so caught up in wanting to bring the cure that they cannot extricate themselves from the problem of the disease of addiction. Often they become part of the problem; the more they push the more they are rejected. The more they accommodate the more they are taken advantage of.

This leads to the trap that families fall into time and again. There is almost an inevitable cycle that occurs in which the family and perhaps a few close friends exhaust themselves in trying to "cure" the afflicted individual of their problem and all that they serve to do is to enable more rounds of bad behavior and broken promises and inevitable further bouts of debauchery.

It may seem like a cruel choice to, early on in the decision making process, select the course that is less obviously softer and gentler, but may ultimately force the "sufferer" to come to some realistic if painful decisions about his own life which is the question I asked at the outset. Does he care about himself less than you care about him? Because if he does, you should not be wasting any more mental or physical energy on him or her. It is a losing battle.

The nature of addiction at best is that it is going to be a recidivist situation. And the sooner that the sufferer gets started on the long road the better. If he is lucky, the "cure" will take without any slips. If he is lucky still only a few slips will occur.

The alcoholic/addict can only count himself unlucky and bereft of hope if he never starts on the road to treatment. The best gift that any family or business can give to an alcoholic or addict is the impetus to seek treatment. That may require the tough love and stamina that only those who have sadly stood by and watched  can understand.

And the first step on the road to recovery for the addict/alcoholic is for him to answer that all important question, "do I love myself as much as they love me."

© res 2/16/2012