A BLOOMIN' MIRACLE

A BLOOMIN' MIRACLE

"You are a f--k'n miracle!", exclaimed my sponsor on this one of many occasions that he found to marvel at the fact that after two years and a month I remain sober.

"A f--k'n miracle", reiterated my associate sponsor.

What is it about my sobriety that has led my sponsors to flights of such impossible speechless declamation, each in his own way finding it unimaginable  to express in fewer than one curse word his amazement at my temperance?

I suppose it is the fact that it took me ten years to get to where I am; and whereas that is not such an unusual story, the fact that anyone sticks to his guns and decides to stay sober is in fact an achievement to be celebrated; and if we are at all superstitious, then we praise our higher powers and call this achievement preternatural.

It is a wonderful thing to behold when we see one of our charges finally find the fortitude to stick to the program. And by "charge" I mean anyone who we take a liking to who seems to have had trouble staying sober, but who hopefully through our interest and their determination will find possibility. And if they go out, we hope that they will find that our care in them will bring them back soon, noting that our hope for them was not just a misplaced wish for them and that their loss of will is just a temporary setback from which their trust in us will soon return them to the fellowship.

For we make no mistake about every day there being a miracle happening in the rooms. And it is the kind of miracle that is no mean thing, one in which the smallest is just not taking a drink, when for that alcoholic, the hardest thing that day, for that moment was to not take a drink. So when one does not pick up, something miraculous is occurring.

And it is truly a wondrous thing to behold when you have known someone and for years all you ever saw was an inebriant , never without a drink, and if he ever tried to go without a drink he would start to shake, tremble, become distracted, could not concentrate and would not be able to talk a straight sentence without first downing a few drinks to steady his nerves.

And then one day this behavior stops. The puffiness in the face goes away. That coppery golden "tan" starts to fade. The bloated figure is lost. He steps livelier again, speaks in full sentences, starts to joke and there is a glint in his eye. There are no more furtive glances over the beaten slumped shoulders.

This is the kind of physical and mental metamorphosis that we see when we see people stop alcohol and start to transform their lives. Starting to try to live with their families again rather than live peripherally to their families. Engage with them rather than lurk in their shadows.

They can now drive their children to school without fear of being pulled over by a cop. No fear of driving while intoxicated and now they can help their kids with their homework.

The plain joy of watching their kids play basketball, or play in an orchestra, or perform in a spelling bee. Engagement.

We often exclaim that we did not know that life could be so good because the alcohol made us paranoid, covert and afraid. It made us lie to our loved ones and skulk around.

Well, no more! We don't have to do it anymore. We have become committed, bound, pledged, and contracted to not only our program but our families and it feels so much better.

Miracles? Perhaps. Wonders, marvels and spectaculars for sure. But most of all we are promises to ourselves to live the right life, the positive to the negative of the besotted life we used to live before AA.

© res 2/26/2012