SEASONS

SEASONS

 

I read a blog from someone in recovery on the other side of and underneath the world in South Africa.  Right now Spring is beginning to warm some of the days there just as we are feeling the creeping chill of Fall trying to sneak up behind us and catch us unawares.  But the Fall can't fool me because Louisey tells me that Spring is there around Capetown and so my guard is up, ever aware that these warm days are just a fool's show  trying to put my attention at bay until Winter arrives to astonish me with its sudden arrival.

Louisey likes to share propitious regional or national events that occur in her village and town during these months, what meals and foods are served, flowers that are in bloom, smells that dominate the landscape and most of all the reaction of her Great Dane puppy, the goings on and how many of the people he pushes over in his excitement.  And occasionally she will remind me, by way of a quote or two, of what a fantastic musical heritage we in America have, by quoting some composer from the American song book or Bob Dylan or some rock star or other on either side of the Atlantic.

But her blog gives me a firm sense of one person's sense of being in a place, in time, and space.  Along the way she shares the highlights of the difficult lives of people in recovery in her corner of Africa, the difficulty of living in general in her corner of Africa which is hard enough for sober people alone but could drive anyone to drink! And it reminds me of how good life is here in the United States and of all the things we have to be grateful about when she describes some of the lawless rampages that happen particularly against women.

She describes in the most poignant terms, the circle of her life that I have been reading about now for more than a year, in the most wonderful prose and poetry. And now, one year after returning to living with my wife, another circle has been completed and I look back and see that many other circles are in the midst of being completed as I observe the various life circles going on about me and among the circle of friends and family who I love.

So when Steve finally reached thirty five years this year working in the postal service as a letter carrier, he had already been thinking of retiring for three years and had filled out the paper work two years ago. But taking that last step, well that was a long way down.  It was not so much that he did not have enough money to retire as much as that his life was defined by the daily grind of getting up, getting on the train and going to the city and to work.

 

It wasn't as if his intellectual capacity wasn't far above his pay grade at the USPS. Steve coulda' been a contenda' for any number of things. And now that he could be at that first step, to stop working, that was hard!

But in July he stopped and suddenly he had re-defined himself. He was suddenly retired. And for a good month it was difficult to get a handle on what that actually meant to his self image.

However, just now, Steve is not so eager to hop back into the work environment.  After a month of well deserved rest, he is finally beginning to enjoy the time of leisure and is finally sorting out what it means to have time on his hands. And he is taking his time in figuring out how to use it.  Using the AA adage "Time takes time" he is harnessing the time to its best advantage.

 

As the end of September approaches, Jill will face a hearing to get her pilot's license back.  It's been a year. She has done everything by the book; random drug testing, monthly shrink visits, regular AA meetings. And although she was never an alcoholic in the truest sense of the word, we are talking about her livelihood and she is not fooling around with this. So if it means not drinking again, that's OK with her. A small price to pay for the privilege of flying.

 

Frank is moving into a small apartment after being forced out of his mother's home. That abode houses a schizophrenic brother and elderly mother and she cannot manage having Frank there too since the mentally ill brother does not get along with Frank too well and the mental illness gets worse while he is there.

 

Frank wanted to help his mom since the brother does not do that, he destroys the maintenance equipment and the house among other things, and then blames Frank for the deeds. So when Frank leaves, these issues will become more acute.  Meanwhile during the past year while this was going on Frank had to fight a lymphatic cancer, a really serious and typically terminal form which he appears to have beaten.

 

So this season, Frank is moving on, starting afresh. And perhaps it is better. He can no longer be accused of instigating the incidents of which he is now being accused, and he no longer has to deal with the constant threat of being thrown out of the house under a court order. Now he can concentrate on his sobriety and leave the Stürm und Dräng to other people and other occasions.

 

Then there is Jo, who has decided to leave a liaison after ten years. And this is painful because Jo has thought long and hard about this; it has been at least five years since there has been any sex and three years since there has been any acknowledgement of any respect. Just, you clean up this, and cook the food, and wash the clothes and go shopping and...

 

Jo finally has had enough and is moving out...Moving out from an old stultifying life into a free and oxygen rich new life. A life that celebrate diversity, fun and sobriety.

And in my circle the changes have not been particularly radical. But my daughter, having found a job that she really enjoys, and found an apartment that she loves, in the city that she adores, has moved aided and abetted my me and my wife and a truck and an AA friend. A friend who must have had sardines as close relatives since his packing abilities are second to none.

 

I am proud of my closer relationship with my daughter and a new found trust that I believe that we have for one another. And I am glad for the affection that we have for each other.

As for cementing marital relations, well at least they are not getting worse. They need work, but then to quote Eleanor of Aquitaine in "The Lion in Winter" "What family doesn't have its ups and downs?" Avanti! More work for the next year.

 

As the High Holy Days approach and a New Year approaches it is time to take stock of the year gone by and to assess what I can put in the column of good things that I have done, what were the bad things and what do I still have to do. And though I cannot claim spectacular or even small success in any pecuniary fashion, I guess I can say that at least I did no harm. And perhaps I may have done a bit of good.

 

Maybe even enough to be written in the book of life once again for another year.

 

© res 9/10/2012