TRUE
LIES
"To say I was being honest
would, obviously, be a lie. I have been saying that I've been counting days but
every day has been spent trying to find time to drink, trying to find a drink,
trying to hide a drink and trying to hide from you while I drank.
Then I was caught.
And I guess I really didn't fool
anyone at all. I was just kidding myself that I was fooling you all. After all,
you are all professionals at this! How
could I possibly have thought that I could get away with this for very long?"
So today I declare that I am on day one and I hope to God that I can stay sober
'til tomorrow when I will declare that I want to stay sober for another
day."
The room was quiet for a moment and
then erupted into spontaneous greetings of "welcome back" and "keep
on coming", followed by hearty applause.
Jack offered that "you are the
bravest and most important person in the room because you keep me sober. I
don't know that I would have had the courage to come back and say what you just
said, for one of my greatest character defects is false pride."
This morning we happened to be
talking about step seven "Humbly asked Him to remove our
shortcomings", which requires of us to understand humility and at times
eat 'humble pie', as Alex had just confessed. But he was still at the beginning
of his journey and had more than just one of many humiliating experiences to
overcome. He first had to accept, truly accept, that he was alcoholic, that his
life was unmanageable, that he needed to do something about it and that he had
to surrender his will to some power greater than himself, which he repeatedly
had failed to do over the past four months since he started coming to our
meetings.
But what finally exasperated him
was that no matter how many times he claimed to reset his sobriety date, he had
always been accepted back into the fellowship of the rooms without rancor or
judgment. And it was gradually dawning upon him the significance of what the
fellowship stands for and why we take what we say in our preamble so seriously...
"our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics to
achieve sobriety".
As Pete said " I know where
you've been because I've been there too. I lied, I cheated, I drank and I went
to jail. I even went to an institution. And if you guys had given up on me I
would not be here, sober, after two years.
But with the grace of God and the power and love in these rooms I am
here, sober, alive, clear headed and available to help another drunk like
you. Who am I to cast aspersions on your
state of sobriety? I couldn't make you feel worse than you already feel about
yourself".
After the meeting I went up to Alex
and recalled with him that when we first met at the rehab center, he was a
beaten man. I had invited him to join our very special men's group in town when
he got out. I explained that this group of men latches onto you and if you want
to get sober and learn from sober men, you won't find a more fiercely dedicated
and loyal group of friends and mentors.
Alex nodded, agreeing that if it
weren't for this special group he would not have found the strength to have
bared his soul so nakedly.
Trust is not easily earned nor so
freely given. It is a testament to this band of drunks that he was able to grab
onto their spirituality, absorb the truth of it and finally act upon it.
For Alex, this was the singular act of
faith in his life; but so too was this group's interest to have had him join them. For the mutual benefit was clear to all.
© res 4/13/12
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