AMBIGUITY OF FAITH

AMBIGUITY OF FAITH

“It’s tough at times to have your faith shaken by events both in your control and out of it. But it is not always easy to know which events are those that you are in control of until you can look back upon them and see where it was that you went wrong.  And that ‘s what happened most recently when I just found out some very disturbing news,” said a distraught Van at this morning’s meeting.

“Many of you know that about a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with a tumor that had a rapid and fatal prognosis but my faith and determination never wavered, and I stuck close to the program, prayed and sought the counsel of many physicians.  And by the grace of God, it was determined that the original diagnosis was either wrong or somehow rapidly spontaneously remitted. But I survived not only with my sobriety intact, but with my faith and serenity at an all time high.

“And many of you know this story because it was one that I readily shared many times in the rooms and  with some people who were challenged by difficult afflictions too to boost their hope and serenity  and belief.

“One such person was a lovely young tenant that I have who, during the course of last year was found to have a particularly aggressive form of breast cancer for which the cure was a bilateral total mastectomy.  All went well, reconstructive surgery proceeded at a wonderful pace, and this beautiful woman, who had a lovely daughter,  recovered well during the year. 

“As she and her husband were preparing to move out of the house that I rented to them they found out at the last check up that her cancer had returned with such an aggressive tumor that she was given only four months to live. 

“And they begged me to put them in touch with the “miracle” doctors who treated me.  “Miracle” doctors? You know I don’t think I ever thought that I described them in those terms.  Nor do I think that I described my situation as a miracle cure. Did I?

“Could I, in my enthusiasm for the faith that served me through my tribulations,  have overstated the case regarding my recovery? Surely it was faith that allowed me to make sober and intelligent decisions about my life at that time without picking up a drink and clouding my judgment. Yet, had I overstated the skill of my treating physicians instead of plainly stating that what they actually had done was report that my original physicians had misdiagnosed the disease in the first place? Did it sound like I thought that my doctors were miracle physicians?

“Because in that case this dear woman was pleading with me to send her to people in the false hope that they would do for her what they did for me and perform another “miracle” just as I had told her!  What had I done?

“I have had tremendous good fortune since that “illness” last year and “near death” experience. My business and health have rebounded.  My optimism is at an all time high and I can only attribute this to my program, my faith and my higher power.

“But this woman does not belong to the program and the best I can do for her is to ask her to pray. And I do not even know if she prays, or has a higher power or has even a bit of faith.

“I have already shared my “experience, strength and hope” with her, but to what end? Has it given her the notion that miracles truly happen just for the asking? Does she truly understand that the miracle is that inner peace which comes with knowing that you have done your best in this world both for yourself and for those around you?

“That is the miracle that awaited me as I worked my program. I only hope that I can show her that’s how it worked for me …

“That only you can make your own miracles.”

© res 6/23/2011