DOING FAITH

DOING FAITH

I found myself this morning in the odd position of talking about faith.  It is a topic that I have had rare experience in and much less affair to expound upon. But within the past two years it is a subject upon which I have had more time to contemplate.

Two years ago I would not have thought there was much hope of me staying sober for more than a month let alone the period of time that has passed since then.  I had little expectation of any of that happening since I had little regard for the notion of faith.

The reading that I was speaking about was the daily reading in the 24 hour/ day book and it spoke about the requirement of faith for sobriety and living a worthwhile life. And whereas I agree mostly with that sentiment in the first instance, I cannot say that it is a requirement for the latter.  That is the sense where dogma comes into play and where one religion, as I suggested, tends to claim superiority  over other religions in the daily lives of men.

I prefer to think of faith as an asset for a worthwhile life but not a necessity for one,  so that in its absence, a worthwhile life cannot be had. And this I reject.  Faith, as I understand it, makes it easier to live a life worth living. It can help me through the rough periods when I may not have any other good reasons to believe that all will turn out well in the end.  But when challenged by life, I know that if (for instance) I avoid drinking, I will realize the adage that no drink made any situation better;  whereas situations certainly do not deteriorate because of a lack of a drink, at least by me.

But when I first came in to the rooms I was not sure what other people meant by faith. Some notions of faith involved  references to god or religious spiritualism. Others made me uncomfortable with assumptions of a piety that I did not feel, even as they failed to have the capacity to communicate their meaning of faith either to me or others.

Pablo indicated that he was sure that everyone in the rooms had faith although it was not always a positive faith.  Some  people had a faith that things were definitely going in to turn out badly. Or  because they thought things would not turn out right they would never try things; so they behaved rather poorly or perhaps ungenerously only because of a fear that all would not turn out well.

Positive or negative faith, Pablo maintains nevertheless, we all have faith. The trick in AA is to turn that certitude of a negative outcome to one of a positivity.  And there were plenty of attestations in the room today to indicate that how positive the outcome was determined by how positive one viewed one's initial outlook on the world. So a positive outlook equals a positive outcome. In other words if I think things will work out, they will have a better chance of indeed working out.  And if I live my life with expectations of good outcomes then life will be satisfying.

And Jack also reminded others just as he had to remind himself all the time that he needs the reality checks that he gets in the rooms of AA.  Because it is very good to have "blind faith" but without a constant grounding in reality, there is a tendency to 'pie in the sky' thinking around here; or worse, taking sordid thinking to its worst ends.  So Jack would have to be reminded by his sponsor regularly not to dwell on things too much such as when he would complain of his fears. When he would complain that he was afraid of being alone, say, if his girlfriend left him, his sponsor would bring him back to the reality of reminding him that if his girlfriend had already left, how much more fear of  loneliness could he have? He was already there, what more loneliness was there to be afraid of?

And similarly, when he would express fears of poverty to him after admitting that he had spent his last dime, his sponsor would remind him to wonder how much more broke could he get to become more distressed and afraid?  Bringing reality into the picture has a chastening effect on us and shines a light into the dark corners of our fears.

And when light shines into the corners where fear lurks, that is called faith. Faith in AA becomes a living working, practicing daily art and technique for daily living.

The rest of the reading went on to distinguish the physical universe from the spiritual universe and that the belief in one does not preclude a belief in the other.  That one could believe in God or a higher power of creation and that He or it could create a perfectly ordered quantum universe without sacrificing a belief in either the ordered or the spiritual universe or God.

In fact, I went on to say, physicists as notable as Freeman Dyson, Albert Einstein, and even Richard Feynman were variously very religious, mildly agnostic and wildly wondering of the universe and all unwilling to believe that faith was a concept that has seen its better days. For them, faith was always good to have around, even if you could not say exactly why you needed it.

The discussion then went to Rick who wanted to make clear that his faith was twofold, secular and religious and that he did not want anyone to feel that his brand of faith was a prerequisite to getting the AA program. And he related how he had been a dry drunk during his first ten years of his "sobriety" and until he had "found" his "faith" in Jesus, he did not finally get the program of AA and truly understand how to practice the 12 steps and practice them in all his affairs.

And Rick granted that nobody had to have a conversion like his in order to get the program but his was necessary because of the hard case that he was. He needed to finally come understand and accept  with  gratitude that he had not truly understood what a lying, cheating and unrepentant thinking alcoholic he had been during all of those years since he had stopped drinking and drugging. And that was what his conversion was all about. And that was what he had come to accept.

Even though Rick had found faith through religion and he was comfortable with that, he was willing to grant that most people would not feel the same as he.

Pat, who hadn't been to our meeting for awhile added that that last week he celebrated his fourth year in AA and he could not imagine back then that things could be this good.  Then he had lost his job, car, money; was on the verge of divorce and practically on the way to jail for DWI infractions. But being forced into AA and being saved from jail first, then getting a new job which led to the restoration of all the rest renewed his faith in life and hope for the future.  His faith is a bit more tangible than the rest of us but with time it is becoming more spiritual as the material rewards of his faith have renewed the security in his life that he thought were gone forever.

But Tom said that today was a moving day for him - literally; finally moving out his last son and his daughter in law and grandson from his house to their new apartment.  The whole family is in recovery, blessed by sobriety and a semblance of sanity in an increasingly insane world.  Last week Tom got decidedly bad news when he was informed, in a 'by the way' manner, by his boss that he no longer had a job.

There were many ways to react, not the least of which was to go to a bar and take a long drink of a beer. But what would that prove? After 22 years of sobriety that would just break up his sober run but it would not bring back his job. And it would not make another job come his way. And if he continued to drink he could kiss any new opportunity for a job away. He does sometimes think of how unfair this situation is because at age sixty-three it is a bad time to lose his job.

So, no, Tom did not drink.  He went to a meeting, spoke to his sponsor. He spoke to us and told us what happened. He used his program and worked the steps.  He helped another alcoholic and by doing so helped himself.  In AA he found a faith that works and in using that faith he looks forward to a brighter more productive tomorrow.  And as Tom says, if nothing turns up, there is always retirement!

But Karen found herself going out to the mall for window shopping with her 22 year old and her sixteen year old daughters who she hasn't lived with for two and a half months now while trying to get sober again.  "It's hard not to be with your kids during the holidays, doubly hard not to be able to give them any presents because you don't have a job, you live in a shelter and have no money.  The only thing I could afford was some ice cream.  But you never know what will come your way if your remain sober. I stay sober and expect nothing except what the gifts of sobriety will bring. And all I can have is faith that I will be together with my three daughters during the holidays.  And wouldn't you know that my sponsor bought me movie tickets to take all of my kids out on Christmas and then gave me three $10 gift cards.

"It's not much, but it's the faith that not drinking will bring joy and love back into my life that is one of the promises of the program.  At this time of the year I  have to remember that things could have been worse if I only had despair instead of faith and hope."

© res 12/18/2011