HOW DO I KNOW?

HOW DO I KNOW?

On Monday January 30,2012 I received my two year token acknowledging two years of continuous sobriety. And now, more than 750 daily meetings later it seems a strange question that I find posing to myself, and that is how do I know that the program of AA works?

I could use my personal experience as a demonstration of its efficacy and that works well for me. That convinces me about me to me. But I could not see the changes, if there are any, in myself. All I know after all this time is that I remain sober and that some of the things that used to bother me about my life no longer seem so pressing. I can wait for some "critical" issues to resolve without me "persuading" it along. But one of the ways I judge  progress now is just as others tell me how I changed by watching how others develop in the program.

About seven months into the program some friends told me that I was "lookin' good".  And by that they meant that I no longer was dragging my attitude around with a slumped posture, a long face and a beaten temperament. I was now smiling, joking, I walked with a lighter step and I looked healthier than when I had come into the rooms seven months before.

I was unable to see this for myself unaided, until this was brought to my attention. It was only then, after I was made aware of those changes  that I finally was able to see how I had metamorphosed. Prior to that time I was so wrapped up in what I thought were such important goings on between my ears that I had not taken the time to notice the physical, mental and spiritual changes in me. 

And with the physical changes came behavioral changes  with the people I interacted daily. I was more cheerful, more mindful of others. I volunteered for more things, talked more, went out with the guys and shared at meetings. All signs that whatever the traumatic emotions were churning between my ears, they were demonstrably healing despite what I may have personally believed. So today, after more than 750 meetings I can observe when the new members are improving.

Today I sat between two fellows whom I had initially seen at the detox facility that I gave lectures at for the past year. One was a three time recidivist and the other himself was a chronic relapser. But both made an effort to attend these men's meetings every day. And it is clear that they may not have been able to see early on how they improved.

Initially one kept having trouble not returning to the bottle. But each time he he stayed honest and came back to the rooms and admitted that he was powerless but still willing. And not yet willing to be swallowed by this disease.

So he kept coming. Because he realized a few things. He hadn't spoken to his family in six months. He had alienated them to such a degree that there was no more wellspring of goodwill there and he could not return there until he got clean and sober. And he could not just tell them that he was sober, he had to demonstrate it. And he was not there yet.

But the men did not reject him. We told him every day to just keep coming even if and when he drank over and over again. As long as he returned to us he was welcome.

And he came. And it stuck. Finally he now has eight days and it took him a month to get these eight days. And there is every expectation that this will grow to eight weeks. Maybe not in a row yet; but if he remembers who his friends are and where he needs to come every morning he will be sure to recall that there are people who truly care about him. Something he readily admits that he never thought he would find.

And then there was the other guy who is now seventy days sober, who initially thought he was doing this so that he could see his newborn. He thought he was staying sober for some reason other than himself. Finally after a month and a half he began to realize that the only person he needed to stay sober for was himself. If that was the only thing he accomplished then all of his other needs and wants would fall into place.

He realized that putting anything else before his sobriety was just another roadblock on the way to another slip. It would become just another excuse to go out. But if he just paid attention to not drinking or drugging, by example he would demonstrate his fitness to his ex-finance, his parents, and to any prospective employer.

So now he is seeing his son regularly, his parents are back in his life and he is working where a month ago he was asking for handouts from his father. He now has his car back and he is purchasing a phone tomorrow.

Is this Nirvana? No! But compared to where he was more than two months ago he is well on his way to recovery.

But best of all I can turn to him each morning and say to him "you're lookin' good", and he has a pretty good idea of what that expression entails.

So the evidence that I have for the program of AA working is in the metamorphosis of the faces of the new members going from  looking dirt smudged and down trodden with misery written all over, to smiling, washed and walking with a spring in their step. And I see this week after week. "First we recover physically, then mentally then spiritually". And that happens each and every time in the people whose sobriety lasts.

The Big Book appeals to the reader to:

"Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows, Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us..."

In our group we have achieved a way to make the newly recovering alcoholic understand the love and warmth and support available in the program. It is theirs for the taking. All they need to do is reach out and grab onto it for dear life.

© res 2/1/2012