STAYING ALIVE

STAYING ALIVE

How we react to news, good or bad is often how we measure the man, as it were.  So the leader who is generous to his enemies he has defeated is lauded as kind and a peacemaker.  He is looked upon as, if not saintly, at least wise, in that the best way to win the hearts and minds of your old enemies is not to grind them into the dust but to lift them to your level, look them in the eye and ask them to help you heal the rift that so recently separated you as enemies.

Abraham Lincoln was such a person and I always wonder what this nation might have looked like had he lived out his second term and brought his gentle hand to steer the ship of state during reconstruction. 

We can also react to bad news too. The news can involve nations, as that bad news surely struck the South when Lincoln was shot and they realized that their best hope for the future was crushed.

The news can be deadly and personal as when we are struck by illness or personal tragedy, such as a disease, a death, or injury or some particularly devastating news that can affect individuals and families for years to come.  We are not always good actors under these circumstances; sometimes we behave bravely and at other times we are very bad. Sometimes we are heroic and at other times our actions belie fears and cowardly behaviors that speak very ill of us.

As alcoholics we are not typically on the side of making the best of decisions for many reasons. When we drink, our full faculties cannot be brought to bear on any situation with clarity and precision to summon keen thinking. But even after the haze of alcohol is removed, alcohol maintains a gauze over our discriminative faculties and we often cannot make fine, or even gross decisions, particularly well.

When we drink, in our desperation we may finally cry out and acknowledge that we need help. But when the symptoms of withdrawal creep upon us we lose all the courage that we had summoned when we were at our most self disgusted and determined and vulnerable to that clarity of that thought to stop.  But in the throes of the shakes, the sweats, the vomiting and even hallucinations perhaps, we may find this determination sorely taxed and waning.  We then reach for the bottle to alleviate the symptoms of withdrawal and when finally they recede, in our despair we find we no longer have the resolve to complete the task and goal of stopping the drink.  We find that we are confused, we don’t know who to turn to for help.

Often enough professionals do not know what to do to help us although by now more physicians and psychiatrists have become aware of the utility of Alcoholics Anonymous even if they do not understand just why it is that the fellowship works. 

So we make bad decisions when under the influence and that continues for a long time after we get sober. And one of the benefits of being in the fellowship is that we recognize that alcoholism is a disease that is 10% drinking and 90% thinking.  So that when we finally put the drink down, the real work of getting our lives in order has to begin. After all, it is only Step One of the Twelve Steps that actually mentions alcohol. The remainder deal with the idea of getting on with job of living a good and decent and happy and fulfilling life.

But we can never forget along the way that as alcoholics, we have a disease of thinking and that does not get as easily treated as stopping the drinking.  And as amazing as that last statement may seem to the newly sober alcoholic, it is essentially true.  Because in order to maintain a sober life, one must begin to live a happy and orderly and meaningful life.

A life of fulfillment, a life with a spiritual payback.  Otherwise we will never be able to face those trials that life throws at us which when drinking or when not soberly thinking, we will throw the opportunity away to solve those problems in a sober manner.

Take my friend J. who just received the diagnosis of lymphoma. There are many differences between the way that anyone, any normal person and an alcoholic might react. 

A normal person would step back and look at the situation “soberly”, find the treatment alternatives, perhaps find the best outlets or centers of excellence for those treatment alternatives and then seek out their best practitioners for their help. The last thing on a normal person’s mind is seeking refuge in a drink or a drug. Oblivion is not an option if he wants to live.

But the latter is always an alternative for the alcoholic if he lets down his guard, not keeping his mind and his path clear of those thoughts that are absolute poison to his wellbeing.  For in the alcoholic, oblivion is always an option and a choice in that direction must always be defended against.

But with J., once presented with the reality of the severity of his medical problem, he finally sought out the help. He could have walked out of the hospital and bought a bottle of booze or enough cocaine to have a real run to find his choice of oblivion.  But his choice was to live. And so nullity was not an option today. 

He now had friends who were pulling for him. He saw them every day in the rooms where they greeted him each morning.  He made coffee for them. They helped him out.  When he came North  five months ago, he knew no one. But today twenty five people signed a get well card.

So did he owe them something?

They would be the first to reply that all that he owed them was his own peace of mind in order for him to stay sober today so that he could help another alcoholic stay sober tomorrow. And yes, that had a requirement that he give some value to his life and live soberly.

…so he could give back, what he so freely partook of yesterday.

© res 10/20/11